So, as Dale and Eileen are here we have been busy, visiting places, going to the kids' school, fixing broken parts, spending time with them, also working to prep for summer, I have forgotten that there are other parts of the world moving forward.
When I first moved here, I recognized the sacrifice daily of missing friendships, or missing out on what was taking place in MEX, NC, OH, IN, NY or anywhere I had a connection. My little sister had a baby, my sister-in-law is soon to have one, our director's wife is about ready to have her baby and the list goes on with things I have missed and will miss. BUT, what has struck me is the "time will distance you" thought is showing itself. I don't necessarily sense the sacrifice moments, and life is getting full here. I hear from friends and family and I feel the slight change in being farther removed from what is going on. I feel sad.
Is it still a sacrifice then? Living here? I don't know. Big picture, Yes, I think so. I am not living in my country or even in a close culture, and I am missing out on things happening, but when this becomes normal, is it still considered sacrifice?
I think what is hardest for me is the awareness of this becoming normal and not feeling the "loss" as much. That scares me more than the culture shock did or the "what in the world am I doing here?" thought. So as life moves forward, I feel torn with wanting to make sure I keep up, you feeling connected to me, me feeling connected to you.... afraid to let go of what has been and embrace the here I am now..... It is becoming natural for me to want to embrace the here I am now.... and that I am fighting against. Because I still care what is going on. I still care that I have missed my sister's baby being born and I still care that my friends are making huge decisions without me by their side. But, now I care differently, I care for them, as people, therefore I care what is going on. It is no longer a I care because I cannot be there or I care because I feel sad on missing out.... is this a maturing thing? I am no longer the focal point of the caring, it is them that I am caring for now. I would like to think it is a more pure "care" but I just don't know anymore.
Sacrifice is a funny thing. Every decision we all make requires some measure of it. I don't want to be scared of it. I am guessing if I feel the sadness of awareness of distance there is a bit of sacrifice still involved... I even think, man, if this no longer is a sacrifice, what will the Lord ask me to sacrifice next? and how soon.....? But I guess for now, I continue to move forward and I allow the space to be there that shows itself to be the absence of what is taking place on the other side of the world.
I do still care though...... just in a different way than before.
