Wednesday, December 21, 2011

uncovered Corrie

As Christmas quickly approaches, I find myself realizing a ton about Jesus being born to ultimately die for us and that with that death, comes a newness of person. A newness of character and identity. A newness that has me also reflecting and contemplating the New Year.

Looking back at my life, there are a few points that characterize somewhat who I became - for example, I moved around a lot, I learned to become quickly everybody's friend, I learned how to feel out a room and figure out what was really going on and learned how to somewhat fly under the radar enough not to draw attention to myself - too much.

With that being one of the strongest consistencies, I realized that with those things, I was a chameleon, in some regards. I can and was able to blend into any environment that I was thrown into. Some would call this a gift, maybe an ease that not all possess. But, now finishing my 30's, starting a new season of life in the USA and growing a ton with the Lord I am seeing the downfall of this gift/trait.

There are times when blending in is exactly what is needed and what I should do, but then there are other times, when a shout out is called for and a conviction is needed to be stood firm on and I find myself in new territory. I never learned the trait of making bold decisions that ruffle others feathers. I didn't need to before, I was the new one and I was busy making friends. But, now the Lord is truly revealing to me basic Corrie traits that are in me and He is asking me to start being who He is wanting me to be in this season and with His identity. And I struggle and flounder and find myself failing to do just that, at times.

Oh goodness, when I am just who I am, it is awkward, kind of weird, not always likeable and sometimes just plain embarrassing. But, who cares, really, right? Nothing has changed about my identity, my eternal plans... so why do I care and add the stress to myself? Ughhh, but again, it is good to start realizing I have a voice and a voice that matters to God.

So, in an effort to be forthcoming, let me share with you a few things about who Corrie is and some things that she is finding she really likes... (some of these were new to me, others were not)
I like to have fun and laugh,
I love women bible studies and studying the Scriptures with other women,
I also like naps and early bedtimes, with the occasional late night card competition,
I enjoy seeing respectful children and kids who are willing to be different.
I love my family more than anything and genuinely desire to serve them more than I do,
I love my intimate friends closely after my family,
I am not good with politics and get easily confused,
I have the ability to be extremely awkward, so much so that it rubs off on people by me and they cringe... :)
I do not always enjoy political correctness, I think it is the american way of not being honest with ourselves...,
I have a quick anger trigger with bullies and have a heart for the underdog,
I can feel inadequate around people who are overconfident,
I can get my feelings hurt when I feel I am being taken advantage of while at the same time would lay down my life for a friend in true need (notice my word true, just trying to be honest),
I really enjoy chocolate and eat it too much at times,
I like being fit and healthy while at the same time find myself not going to the dr. unless under extreme symptoms for fear of looking foolish and like one of those women who "always is sick",
I like the size of my family,
I am becoming less grateful with passing years and want to see this change,
I sometimes do things that others don't like, but I see they hang in there with me anyway and it has shown me that I can learn to trust more in my friendships and less in myself,
and to end it today, I am learning there is so much more to God than I will ever understand, but I desire to know Him!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you who probably know yourselves more than you think...!

Monday, December 12, 2011

uncovered quietness

Isaiah 32:17
The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness
will be quietness and confidence forever.
I woke up this morning with an anxiety that kept growing and growing. Lots of thoughts going through my mind and realizing that my anxiety is stemmed from others opinions of me. It is such a challenge to want people to see the best in you, even though it is not what is always shown.

Even worse, people who don't know you and don't know your character are liable to jump to wrong conclusions and my instant desire is to defend myself, over-tell what is going on in my mind, or over exaggerate the opposite of what they think of you. Does any of this make sense?

So, as I was thinking about what these certain people might be thinking of me, this verse showed up on my computer screen. Immediately I felt a peace, an inside peace only found with the Lord. I then realized that even if I am not able to explain myself ever to these people, it will be okay. The quietness and confidence found in righteousness is better than a temporary confidence in explaining myself. So, maybe there will be people who have the wrong idea of me forever - don't get me wrong, bummer, right? BUT, even if that is the scenario, it will be okay and I can learn and grow and trust the Lord more. The challenge will be for me to stay faithful to a lifestyle of righteousness in the Lord moment by moment.

On a side note, I also found it interesting that it was easier for me to have people misunderstand me in a foreign culture than I am having people misunderstand me here. Maybe it is because I maybe felt most of the time people didn't understand me so it became a lifestyle. Nothing unsual, but here, there is a bigger stigma in my own heart and mind... hmmmm, something to think about.

Anyway, have a great day and here's hoping to no misunderstandings, but if there are, quietness and confidence are within reaching distance with the Lord.

Friday, December 9, 2011

uncovered simplicity with money

I have been living here long enough to have learned that everything costs money. Nothing new with that idea, but what is new to me is ALL the ways you can save money. To the point, I have a feeling that it is actually getting people to spend money that they usually wouldn't, in order to SAVE money.

For those who know me, you know that I enjoy simplicity. Simplicity in lifestyle, in material items, in friendships, in daily routine. I am not one of those women who enjoys a hectic day nor am I the woman who can multi-task AT ALL!! I cannot, even if you multi-task in front of me, you will see me break out into a sweat. You can ask any of my friends (which by the way, I know of no other woman who cannot multi-task - there have to be more out there, right?).

SO, with that being said, I do have a heart to save money and be wise with what we have. BUT, this idea that every single place you go you have the opportunity to join their club and save money and earn rewards and earn special discounts or FREE money to their desired store. UGHHHH, I literally cannot stand it. Let me tell you what it does to me as a simple kind of woman. These little clubs are cluttering my email, cluttering my real mail, they have trapped me mentally in going out and using the discounts that I have been SO LUCKY to have been asked to be a part of... ugh, it literally clutters my mind, my day and I do not enjoy it at all.

So, this past week I have spent every single morning, unsubscribing to every bit of email I receive that is not personal. I am also getting rid of cards and mailings and whatever else I can find to declutter my mind.

I am guessing that some of you are thinking that by doing this, I am choosing to waste money. AND, maybe at some point, I will be mature enough to handle the junk, but right now, I cannot and I refuse to be a victim of the money saving scandal.... okay, I am being harsh, but that type of behavior is what happens to us simple women, we slowly erode mentally bit by bit until we SNAP and then we read in the papers about shootings after material items... I know I am just one step away from utter destruction.

WIth that being said, I joined a store's "card" just yesterday because it would save me 20% ofo my purchases that I was making that morning. Bummer, one week of great steps forward to come crashing down to another moment of simplistic weakness....

Oh well, tomorrow is a new day!