As Christmas quickly approaches, I find myself realizing a ton about Jesus being born to ultimately die for us and that with that death, comes a newness of person. A newness of character and identity. A newness that has me also reflecting and contemplating the New Year.
Looking back at my life, there are a few points that characterize somewhat who I became - for example, I moved around a lot, I learned to become quickly everybody's friend, I learned how to feel out a room and figure out what was really going on and learned how to somewhat fly under the radar enough not to draw attention to myself - too much.
With that being one of the strongest consistencies, I realized that with those things, I was a chameleon, in some regards. I can and was able to blend into any environment that I was thrown into. Some would call this a gift, maybe an ease that not all possess. But, now finishing my 30's, starting a new season of life in the USA and growing a ton with the Lord I am seeing the downfall of this gift/trait.
There are times when blending in is exactly what is needed and what I should do, but then there are other times, when a shout out is called for and a conviction is needed to be stood firm on and I find myself in new territory. I never learned the trait of making bold decisions that ruffle others feathers. I didn't need to before, I was the new one and I was busy making friends. But, now the Lord is truly revealing to me basic Corrie traits that are in me and He is asking me to start being who He is wanting me to be in this season and with His identity. And I struggle and flounder and find myself failing to do just that, at times.
Oh goodness, when I am just who I am, it is awkward, kind of weird, not always likeable and sometimes just plain embarrassing. But, who cares, really, right? Nothing has changed about my identity, my eternal plans... so why do I care and add the stress to myself? Ughhh, but again, it is good to start realizing I have a voice and a voice that matters to God.
So, in an effort to be forthcoming, let me share with you a few things about who Corrie is and some things that she is finding she really likes... (some of these were new to me, others were not)
I like to have fun and laugh,
I love women bible studies and studying the Scriptures with other women,
I also like naps and early bedtimes, with the occasional late night card competition,
I enjoy seeing respectful children and kids who are willing to be different.
I love my family more than anything and genuinely desire to serve them more than I do,
I love my intimate friends closely after my family,
I am not good with politics and get easily confused,
I have the ability to be extremely awkward, so much so that it rubs off on people by me and they cringe... :)
I do not always enjoy political correctness, I think it is the american way of not being honest with ourselves...,
I have a quick anger trigger with bullies and have a heart for the underdog,
I can feel inadequate around people who are overconfident,
I can get my feelings hurt when I feel I am being taken advantage of while at the same time would lay down my life for a friend in true need (notice my word true, just trying to be honest),
I really enjoy chocolate and eat it too much at times,
I like being fit and healthy while at the same time find myself not going to the dr. unless under extreme symptoms for fear of looking foolish and like one of those women who "always is sick",
I like the size of my family,
I am becoming less grateful with passing years and want to see this change,
I sometimes do things that others don't like, but I see they hang in there with me anyway and it has shown me that I can learn to trust more in my friendships and less in myself,
and to end it today, I am learning there is so much more to God than I will ever understand, but I desire to know Him!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you who probably know yourselves more than you think...!
