What it is

The house is quiet on this early Friday morning.  The kids are still in bed due to no school, my husband is traveling for a long weekend with work and I just completed an excellent workout.  BUT, now I am nestled on my lounge couch and feel cozy.  I really enjoy mornings like this...  it allows space for the Lord to create His day in me.  It is His day, not mine...  I keep saying this to myself, surrendering my own will continually...  until they align, my agenda and the Lord's.  I enjoy this process...  it is a reminder that even though I am His daughter, saved for eternity... I am still a sinner and have so much to learn, to give, to offer, to join in on, to rest upon, to love, to laugh, to enjoy, to serve, to repent... and the list goes on.

BUT, I cannot wait to see what it is today...  what it is that He will have me be flexible with, what is it that He will have me stand firm on... what is it today that will make today unique from yesterday and tomorrow!  Not sure, but there will be something!

If anyone is out there, I pray you find your day expectant of what it is today that you will enter into that will call it unique!  I want to be open to the Lord doing something new!  I think this is a good beginning.

Regaining my First Love!

Good morning!  Here is the most recent family photo we have currently... we aren't the best at capturing each moment like I was in Africa...  I think maybe I should try to capture more memories so I don't forget... as I am prone to do.

Malachi 3:16 talks about a remnant of God's people writing a "scroll of remembrance" of what God had done...  I believe it is because we are prone to forget.  Forget the good, forget the Lord's hand and how many times he has given...  

I also just did a woman's retreat for a church here in Cincinnati and the whole theme was the idea of remembering where we have come from, not only spiritually, but within our own family trees.  Then taking a look at our lives currently and then projecting forward on purpose to live on purpose and to love on purpose and to repent on purpose...  it got me very excited for the 2014 year...

Since I am prone to forget, I want to share with this blog what my 2014 resolutions are... because the more I write them down, the more I will not forget.  I have been trying to write them down every other day, if not every day.  So far, it has been such a great reminder that God is faithful and I am HIS!

1. Be open to the Lord doing something new; pursue ministry with confidence

2. Speak less, listen more, pray more

3. Live with conviction; in honesty and people pleasing

4. Find God (this is really first); Regain my first love through repentance and faith

There you have it!  that last one gets me soooo excited for this next year!  I want to Find God not for any reason except I truly LOVE Him!!  

Okay, I actually have 3 other ones, but they are more "fleshly ones" that will impact all of me, but not needing to share here...  think money, exercise, etc... :)

Okay, well have a great day Finding your First Love and I will have a great day finding mine!

Expressions of Relationship

Good morning,

So, I was talking with a friend recently about spending time with God.  I remember saying that He will provide what you need when you need it.  He sees the "bigger picture" and allows seasons to come and go when "time" with Him is evident.

I think I was wrong on many levels with this... first I looked at spending time with God as something that helps us grow and that he doesn't always use that "time" to grow us...  Truth is, spending time with Him doesn't help us grow at all.  Only the Holy Spirit can do that.

BUT, what I am learning is that prayer, "time" in the Bible, worship in its various forms is an expression of His grace that He has already given us.  The idea that He - GOD of the universe, the Alpha and Omega, the Omniscient, let me go on... - has given us outlets to be with Him.  To go deeper into our relationship (our restored relationship by the way thanks to Him)!  If I soak that in, I am overwhelmed by this opportunity.

It's as if someone just told me I could eat a chocolate lava cake everyday with my best friend with only getting slimmer each time I partake in this practice (I know, totally lame analogy, but I was putting into my worldly, fleshly terms).  :)

I found the following paragraph in this Bible Study I am doing right now:

" In a sense, all the disciplines are forms of worship - ways to acknowledge that we serve a great God, to recognize God's "worth-ship". and to draw closer to Him.  They get us out of our own way so we can see and appreciate God for who He is.  By engaging in these practices, we declare that God is God and we aren't. "

I am brought back to the earlier conversation with my friend.  We don't have to spend time with God, but man, we are going to spend eternity with Him... I cannot imagine that being fun if I didn't think it would be fun here, right??

I hope today, whoever is out there or whoever is not out there, I hope you find ways to just kind of waste time with God!  Have fun!

Out of Practice

It is weird to find that my thoughts seem clear in my mind yet while trying to put "pen to paper" they are sounding all jumbled...

I do remember the days in which my typing came freely and very fluidly...  I guess you really can get out of practice with something.  It is such a bummer to me that they older I get the more quickly I can become out of practice with something...

Examples:

1.  Journaling to the Lord

2. Spending set aside time with the Lord

3. Eating healthy...  not that it ever was a practice, but man I can be in a good stride and one day will feel as if I have to start all over with healthy choices

4. Reading for the sake of learning and growing

5. purposefully serving my husband 

6. Surprising my kids with things they love for no reason

7. Debriefing a group of people about what God is doing in them and through them

8. having insignificant talk with people, just for the sake of getting to know them and building a relationship

9.  okay, you get the idea, I can go on and on...

Today, I rely on you Lord...  the author and perfecter of my faith!  Thank you for never being out of practice with anything!

Square Peg in a Round Hole

I have felt like a square peg in a round hole, for years now, to be honest!  Let me give you a bigger picture:

I am a square peg: Circumstances and life choices around me feel, a round hole.  Does that help? :)

I am just not in the same frame of mind or the same opinion of others that seem to be prevalent, so when I am choosing to not move or make a different choice, it can appear that I am going against the grain because the wind is butting up against me, when in reality I am just choosing to "be still" in a life that is not still.  I am not saying that life is wrong, but I do think that I am wrong when I am not being obedient by being still, when I am asked to do so....  and then the rub hits me again.  People get confused, people think I am "just being Corrie again"...  needing to be "different"!

I don't necessarily wake up and think "How can I be different today and cause others to feel weird?"  I promise you, I do not...  but I have given that impression OR I think I have given that impression.  That second statement is probably even more accurate than the first!

But, I have tried being round in a round hole and it has caused a discontent in me...  an ugly one that is blame oriented or defensive or feeing the need to justify.  I want this no more!

This past weekend was a distant feeling.  Actually, the whole weekend I was feeling distant.  Distant from my circumstances, distant from my family and distant in my energy.

I also think the Lord showed me some things as I went to him on Saturday night.  This is what I think He was saying:

The sin you see in your life Corrie, was there from the beginning, it is just your current circumstances that are bringing it out (which leaves no room for blame on others)

You have come to a place in your walk where you can turn around and see that you have people-pleased many times and it has created in you a bit of inauthenticity as you continue to live out of other's expectations and standards (which leaves no room for defensiveness)

You are feeling down because you have lost your first Love and you must get it back! (which leaves no room for idolatry)

BUT, thankfully i wasn't left there feeling ughhh... hopeless!

I was so gently reminded to persevere with others who have persevered (can anyone say they have yet to persevere through something???).  I was reminded that I am Christ's and in Him my identity is intact and that in Him I am to live freely which will lead to abundance, which leads to glory to God!

SO, I want to reclaim my life back as a square peg.  It isn't wrong to be a round hole and it isn't wrong to be a square peg... and it is not wrong to be a square peg in a round life BUT, what is wrong is that when God asks me to be true to the squareness, I don't do it...

This is what I am desiring to change.  When asked of it, I am a square peg, but for the rest of the time, I don't mind trying to be round... :)  as long as the Lord continues to give me the discernment of each moment!

Thank you Lord for your discernment and your insight and Truth!  I don't want to be discontent!  I am thankful you are both round and square!

the typical normal

Hey world!

Feeling mellow today as I am just living this morning in "normal" mode. Went to the grocery store, picked up my daughter from her sleepover, made banana bread for my new neighbor and hanging out with my three children while my husband is at a conference...

Who would have thought that I would have a typical morning and thoroughly enjoy it.

Being a missionary in the USA is so different, but I know I have a ton to learn about it!

uncovered a different life lived

Hard to believe that one year ago, John and I knew we were leaving Jos, Nigeria Africa and started the process of packing up our life once again. Gosh, we were so tired...

Kenny, I loved him so much. He just became reunited with his mother.

But, months later, this now feels like home, Cincinnati, Ohio USA and the process of settling in is over and we are not tired (okay, well maybe on some days). Seeing the days and weeks behind us, I get so nervous that my memories will leave me of the days lived internationally.

Some dear friends that we worked with and rented our home from...

Friendships made, children loved on and a part of the family, ministry moving forward, characters being developed within each of us and the Lord showing me daily a bigger picture of who He is and how He provides for those He loves.

The village where we would go weekly and daily to see friends.

My prayer?- that I will continue to see who He is from another angle, another life being lived. Characters still being formed from under a sphere of convenience. His provisions showing themselves in different ways. I think I just need to open my eyes with a small tilt and see a more intentional way of living.

Where I bought my meat in Jos... over the counter service, wouldn't you say?

Truth is - ministry is here and it still needs to be moving forward. Friendships are forming with those who have no knowledge of Christ (a thought I cannot imagine) and children still need to be loved on and encouraged to believe the best in themselves as they start to really see how God sees them. Lies need to be removed and replaced with truth!

I can live this life and this is the one chosen for me. I can live it knowing my thoughts will become more vague of the past but my thoughts will become more clear of God. My eyesight at a tilt will become the eyesight of my daily. I can move forward today knowing this is the day the Lord has made!

not who I am but who He is

I like looking at these photos because they bring peace to my heart. These pictures are located in KY along these trails that our family was hiking a few months ago. There was no one around and it was quiet and it was just us, nature and a few birds chirping along the way.

This is my personality at its core. I don't mind being busy, don't mind having to rush around to meet different needs, but in truth, if I stay that way too long something breaks down. I think I referred to this process in an earlier email.

I definitely feel as if I am a minority. The enemy can convince me in moments that this trait makes me boring or I am weak in my lack of abilities. I continually must remind myself that yes, I can strive to be more of who I am in Christ... but I must not strive to be more of who the world wants me to be, even the well-meaning world.

Lately, if I would allow myself I can become in a panic at the mere thought of some things. Truly I feel as if I am a thought away from a mental breakdown. Why? Nothing really worthy of a breakdown, but much thought going on in my head nonetheless. BUT, I was looking at these pictures today while at the same time remembering that I have the choice to take a step back and trust the Lord with each minute, each thought... and when I take the time to recognize this and allow the Spirit full control again, I am able to swallow and move forward in the confidence of His ability and His calling in the moment.

So, once again I am reminded even if I am weak, it will be this weakness that shows He is strong. In the end, it doesn't really matter who I am but really it matters who He is! Praise God!

work

Just a little update...

We have bought a home AND I have been asked by Back2Back to fill in a gap in the home office for the next few months, part time. So, we move in a week and a half... and I am working 4 days a week with hours that are perfectly in between the kids school hours.

I feel blessed and nervous all at the same time...

More later, just wanted to get this out there for whatever reason.

Have a great day!

uncovered conviction

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

There is something in these words that today has stirred my heart. I am praying for the Lord to show me why...

uncovered legalism

I am finishing a bible study called "Gospel Transformation" and it has been just excellent for me. Anyway, today's thought was the idea of legalism and how it can lead to lack of joy and bondage. I just thought I would put up a list they had because I love it so much. Enjoy!

20 reasons why legalism saps the joy out of life

1. Legalism substitutes loving our neighbor with loving ourselves.

2. Legalism substitutes humility with pride.

3. Legalism substitutes a heart relationship with Jesus with external conformity.

4. Legalism substitutes honesty with pretense.

5. Legalism substitutes God’s approval with people’s expectations.

6. Legalism substitutes burden-bearing with burden-giving.

7. Legalism substitutes the power of the Spirit with the powerlessness of rules.

8. Legalism substitutes innocence with guilt.

9. Legalism substitutes the gentle Lord with a hard taskmaster.

10. Legalism substitutes sonship with slavery.

11. Legalism substitutes accepting God’s love with earning God’s love.

12. Legalism substitutes the joy of repentance with the remorse of lingering sin.

13. Legalism substitutes liberty with bondage.

14. Legalism substitutes Christ’s righteousness with self-righteousness.

15. Legalism substitutes kindness and gentleness with forcing, demanding, and compelling.

16. Legalism substitutes the law of Christ with a perverted use of laws.

17. Legalism substitutes the freedom to love with unlimited obligation.

18. Legalism substitutes encouragement with biting and devouring.

19. Legalism substitutes relationship with alienation.

20. Legalism substitutes free grace for a manipulation of God’s grace.

Enjoy your day living in freedom!

uncovered heart

This photo represents to me our family vacation to NC: (in case you cannot tell what it represents fully, let me share with you) - memories, food, family time, laughter, beach/hiking, card playing, etc... were you able to get all of that from this beach photo? :)

Now, vacation is finished and a new year has begun and with the whirlwind of those days gone by, I realize that I have had a lot of great times, but have missed the heart of daily spending time with God.

First, I realize there is grace upon grace because of Jesus so these thoughts are not full of condemnation as much as a bigger awareness of missing my Lord and Savior. I have been reminded through the Holy Spirit that there is nothing that can replace the intimacy I am allowed to enter through the Scriptures! This heart reminder has given me back balance, love for others, peace, freedom and genuine humility of finding my place once again in the perspective of God's view.

I am thankful for this reminder and often wonder why I am so surprised when I am reminded of how God is the lover of my soul. So, a wonderful family vacation honoring God is good. But, I am excited to once again jump into the land of the other living and give His goodness away.

2012

Happy New Year!!

I don't have much to add at this current moment except that I do desire to see some things change in my life for the year 2012...

But, probably most grateful that I know I don't have to because God's mercy is new every morning. AND, I am already new in Him.

May my praise be true to the Lord all year long!

uncovered Corrie

As Christmas quickly approaches, I find myself realizing a ton about Jesus being born to ultimately die for us and that with that death, comes a newness of person. A newness of character and identity. A newness that has me also reflecting and contemplating the New Year.

Looking back at my life, there are a few points that characterize somewhat who I became - for example, I moved around a lot, I learned to become quickly everybody's friend, I learned how to feel out a room and figure out what was really going on and learned how to somewhat fly under the radar enough not to draw attention to myself - too much.

With that being one of the strongest consistencies, I realized that with those things, I was a chameleon, in some regards. I can and was able to blend into any environment that I was thrown into. Some would call this a gift, maybe an ease that not all possess. But, now finishing my 30's, starting a new season of life in the USA and growing a ton with the Lord I am seeing the downfall of this gift/trait.

There are times when blending in is exactly what is needed and what I should do, but then there are other times, when a shout out is called for and a conviction is needed to be stood firm on and I find myself in new territory. I never learned the trait of making bold decisions that ruffle others feathers. I didn't need to before, I was the new one and I was busy making friends. But, now the Lord is truly revealing to me basic Corrie traits that are in me and He is asking me to start being who He is wanting me to be in this season and with His identity. And I struggle and flounder and find myself failing to do just that, at times.

Oh goodness, when I am just who I am, it is awkward, kind of weird, not always likeable and sometimes just plain embarrassing. But, who cares, really, right? Nothing has changed about my identity, my eternal plans... so why do I care and add the stress to myself? Ughhh, but again, it is good to start realizing I have a voice and a voice that matters to God.

So, in an effort to be forthcoming, let me share with you a few things about who Corrie is and some things that she is finding she really likes... (some of these were new to me, others were not)

I like to have fun and laugh,

I love women bible studies and studying the Scriptures with other women,

I also like naps and early bedtimes, with the occasional late night card competition,

I enjoy seeing respectful children and kids who are willing to be different.

I love my family more than anything and genuinely desire to serve them more than I do,

I love my intimate friends closely after my family,

I am not good with politics and get easily confused,

I have the ability to be extremely awkward, so much so that it rubs off on people by me and they cringe... :)

I do not always enjoy political correctness, I think it is the american way of not being honest with ourselves...,

I have a quick anger trigger with bullies and have a heart for the underdog,

I can feel inadequate around people who are overconfident,

I can get my feelings hurt when I feel I am being taken advantage of while at the same time would lay down my life for a friend in true need (notice my word true, just trying to be honest),

I really enjoy chocolate and eat it too much at times,

I like being fit and healthy while at the same time find myself not going to the dr. unless under extreme symptoms for fear of looking foolish and like one of those women who "always is sick",

I like the size of my family,

I am becoming less grateful with passing years and want to see this change,

I sometimes do things that others don't like, but I see they hang in there with me anyway and it has shown me that I can learn to trust more in my friendships and less in myself,

and to end it today, I am learning there is so much more to God than I will ever understand, but I desire to know Him!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you who probably know yourselves more than you think...!

uncovered quietness

Isaiah 32:17

The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness

will be quietness and confidence forever.

I woke up this morning with an anxiety that kept growing and growing. Lots of thoughts going through my mind and realizing that my anxiety is stemmed from others opinions of me. It is such a challenge to want people to see the best in you, even though it is not what is always shown.

Even worse, people who don't know you and don't know your character are liable to jump to wrong conclusions and my instant desire is to defend myself, over-tell what is going on in my mind, or over exaggerate the opposite of what they think of you. Does any of this make sense?

So, as I was thinking about what these certain people might be thinking of me, this verse showed up on my computer screen. Immediately I felt a peace, an inside peace only found with the Lord. I then realized that even if I am not able to explain myself ever to these people, it will be okay. The quietness and confidence found in righteousness is better than a temporary confidence in explaining myself. So, maybe there will be people who have the wrong idea of me forever - don't get me wrong, bummer, right? BUT, even if that is the scenario, it will be okay and I can learn and grow and trust the Lord more. The challenge will be for me to stay faithful to a lifestyle of righteousness in the Lord moment by moment.

On a side note, I also found it interesting that it was easier for me to have people misunderstand me in a foreign culture than I am having people misunderstand me here. Maybe it is because I maybe felt most of the time people didn't understand me so it became a lifestyle. Nothing unsual, but here, there is a bigger stigma in my own heart and mind... hmmmm, something to think about.

Anyway, have a great day and here's hoping to no misunderstandings, but if there are, quietness and confidence are within reaching distance with the Lord.

uncovered simplicity with money

I have been living here long enough to have learned that everything costs money. Nothing new with that idea, but what is new to me is ALL the ways you can save money. To the point, I have a feeling that it is actually getting people to spend money that they usually wouldn't, in order to SAVE money.

For those who know me, you know that I enjoy simplicity. Simplicity in lifestyle, in material items, in friendships, in daily routine. I am not one of those women who enjoys a hectic day nor am I the woman who can multi-task AT ALL!! I cannot, even if you multi-task in front of me, you will see me break out into a sweat. You can ask any of my friends (which by the way, I know of no other woman who cannot multi-task - there have to be more out there, right?).

SO, with that being said, I do have a heart to save money and be wise with what we have. BUT, this idea that every single place you go you have the opportunity to join their club and save money and earn rewards and earn special discounts or FREE money to their desired store. UGHHHH, I literally cannot stand it. Let me tell you what it does to me as a simple kind of woman. These little clubs are cluttering my email, cluttering my real mail, they have trapped me mentally in going out and using the discounts that I have been SO LUCKY to have been asked to be a part of... ugh, it literally clutters my mind, my day and I do not enjoy it at all.

So, this past week I have spent every single morning, unsubscribing to every bit of email I receive that is not personal. I am also getting rid of cards and mailings and whatever else I can find to declutter my mind.

I am guessing that some of you are thinking that by doing this, I am choosing to waste money. AND, maybe at some point, I will be mature enough to handle the junk, but right now, I cannot and I refuse to be a victim of the money saving scandal.... okay, I am being harsh, but that type of behavior is what happens to us simple women, we slowly erode mentally bit by bit until we SNAP and then we read in the papers about shootings after material items... I know I am just one step away from utter destruction.

WIth that being said, I joined a store's "card" just yesterday because it would save me 20% ofo my purchases that I was making that morning. Bummer, one week of great steps forward to come crashing down to another moment of simplistic weakness....

Oh well, tomorrow is a new day!

uncovered celebrations

Sami's 10th birthday party. She is opening up a "craft" bin gift!

John's ? birthday. The kids have been begging him for a dog, and of course, we keep saying no, so this is their version of buying him one. It is an ice cream cake, and it was delicious!

This has been a crazy couple of weeks as we have had two birthdays, Thanksgiving and one more birthday to go this week. Lots of celebrations and things to rejoice in... As a family, we try to focus on the "experience" of the celebration verses the gifts of celebrations. Not that gifts are bad, because we know they are not. However, I have found that I can easily get trapped in the mentality of the gift/gifts and what their friends are receiving and will my children like it, will they think their friends will like it, etc...

As I type it, it feels kind of silly really. BUT, truly it can feel like a box to live under instead of a moment to be celebrated! Truly I am proud of my children. They expect I am sure one gift, but other than that, they expect a family moment. One to be remembered and stored in our memory banks to be thought about another day...

I do hope your Thanksgiving was full of celebration and thanks and family and friends. As I desire to live "uncovered", I realize that it can be hard to celebrate every moment, but today I will try as I will again tomorrow and then I will try the next day, and so on, I am sure you get the idea.

Have a great day!

a new beginning

Happy Thanksgiving friends!

For those of you who know me, know that I am pretty transparent with my life. My hope is that this blog will be a little outlet for me to learn to live in an american culture openly and uncovered.

I have to go though at this current moment to welcome my kids home from school, but for now, have a great Holiday week and enjoy the people that you find yourself surrounded by... I know that I will.

Partnership with Guckenberger Family

Hello family and friends,
To look back over these past seven years, it has been such a whirlwind of trust, faith, fears, concerns, and more than anything relationship! Relationship with our staff family, relationship with those we ministered to in Mexico and Nigeria and most importantly our relationships with each of you.
We are overjoyed to share with you that John has received a job that he is so excited about and the Lord has really revealed to us. He started November 1^st, with his last day in the Back2Back offices being October 31^st. We wanted to thank you one last time as you have been on this whirlwind with us the entire time. John is the new project manger of Life Enriching Community. LEC is a world class leader in senior living. John will be managing various construction projects at the LEC Twin Lakes Campus and Twin Towers Campus.
As one chapter in our life closes and another one begins, we find ourselves again in a whirlwind of trust, faith, fears, concerns and yet this time, without each of you. BUT, we do know this, God is with us and we hope and pray that He will continue to lay the burden on your heart to continue to pray for us as He guides us into new relationships with neighbors, parents of children’s friends, and whomever else the Lord sees fit for us to be ministering alongside and to. He is good to us, this we know!
Please continue to consider supporting another staff family, program or child within Back2Back ministries as the work is far from over. Thank you for partnering with us as we “Cared for Today, Hoped for Tomorrow” for these Fatherless. John and I can both sincerely say we have loved working with each of you.
Because there are numerous opportunities to continue your partnership with Back2Back, we would like to recommend that your prayers and financial support go toward our home office staff, in particular Chris Ramos. He is the Director of Missions and he has been a faithful servant for the past four years with Back2Back. As you probably know, it is much more difficult for U.S. staff to raise support, and your partnership would be a huge benefit.
We are always interested in connecting with each of you so please call us or email us with any questions or just to connect. Email: corriejohn@yahoo.com, John’s ph: 513-502-8830.
Thank you again and God Bless,
John and Corrie Guckenberger

a few things not missed

Just to remind myself that things aren't always as perfect as you remember, I saw a friend's fb page and was quickly reminded of some things I don't miss about living in Nigeria....

1. head wraps

2. no consistent power

3. having to put all clothes on a clothes line, rain or shine (the kids are cute, huh?)

4. traffic that takes the Christ right out of me... (is that bad to say, you understand what I mean, right?)

5. flying bugs that overtake our home as they crawl under the doors and through our windows

6. flat, huge, crab spiders

7. Let's go ahead and end today's list with having to home-make all meals from scratch, every day, three times a day....

I think this is a good list so far. Again, these aren't entirely horrible things, but things that I just don't miss...

The grass isn't alway greener on the other side... A valuable lesson in life!